Introvert in the Conference Room by Pamela Toler

Originally posted on STET on April 22, 2011


The writing conferences that I signed up for with such excitement in February are drawing near, and I am filled with my annual combination of dread and nausea. I get so much out of going to conferences--and they take so much out of me.  

My name is Pamela and I am an introvert.

Some of my freelancing friends complain about isolation.  They miss the camaraderie of the corporate coffee pot.  Not me. My extrovert husband and his extrovert family insure that I have more than enough human contact. I thrive alone in my study, happy when the phone doesn’t ring. (A career run largely through e-mail?  Heaven!) Left to my own devices, I could go for days speaking only to my cat and the clerk at the produce market.

Which brings me back to my annual venture into the introvert hell known as the writers' conference. 

The first time I attended a writing conference I tried to follow the good advice that appears in many places about getting the most out of the experience.  The result?  Three days of conference followed by three days of a migraine so bad I wanted to cut my head off.

  

Over the years, I've learned to adapt that good advice to fit introvert reality.

Build down time into your schedule.

The accepted wisdom is that you should go to breakfast, lunch, and dinner with fellow conference go-ers--not to mention attending cocktail parties and hanging out in the bar.  The idea is that you develop long-standing friendships with other writers.   Which is a good thing.  Unless it leaves you curled up in a miserable ball at the end of the day.

Choose the parts of the conference that are most valuable to you and assume that everything else is optional.  Eat meals by yourself if you need to.  Go for a walk if there's a session with no panels the interest you.  Run up to your room for ten minutes between sessions.  (I will eat beans and rice for a month if that's what it takes to afford a room by myself in the conference hotel.)

Give yourself a people goal.

Down time doesn't mean don't talk to anybody for the entire weekend.  Take the energy you save by eating lunch alone and put it to good use.   Some introverts I know give themselves the goal of talking to one specific person: a dream agent, an on-line friend they're dying to meet IRL, an author whose work they admire.  Personally, I find tracking down a specific person both creepy and distracting.  My own goal for every conference is to have a conversation with three new people each day and say thank you to someone over the course of the weekend. (Possibly an author whose work I admire.)

Don't forget to congratulate yourself when you fill your goal.

Volunteer

It's easier to enjoy a party if you have something in your hands.  It's easier to

enjoy a conference if you have an official task. 

Do I need to explain this further?

There is always someone at the conference who is more of an introvert than you are.  Reach out to her.

I know. This feels like it can't possibly be true, like one of those algebra theorems that prove you can always increase infinity by one.  Logically, there has to be someone at every gathering who is the most introverted person there and by the law of averages sometimes that person is you--or me.  Right?

Here's the deal.  It doesn't matter if it's true or not.  Find someone who's standing in a corner of the room holding her coffee cup in a death grip.  (If you’re going to the ASJA conference in April or Backspace in May, keep an eye out for a short, plump redhead with glasses.)  Walk over.  Say hello.  Ask her what she writes. 

You'll both feel better.  Trust me.

I won't lie to you, fellow introverts.  These ideas don't make going to conferences easy. (I still come home from a three-day conference feeling like I need at least four days alone to recover.)  They do make attending a writers' conference possible and productive. 

What's your best tip for surviving as an introvert in the conference room?

Pamela Toler is a freelance writer specializing in history and the arts, an aspiring novelist, and a kick-ass cook.  

She can be found on twitter as @pdtoler.

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